garden pt i

life has been crazy and flying by. being conscious of the fact that every second is fleeting has helped me learn to absorb the things going on in my life and i've found myself completely entrenched in every second of every day. i've been actively trying to live this way for the past year but couldn't buy in to all the positivity lectures everyone in my life was swearing by. slowly but surely i found myself in every moment, and certain moments made so much sense as they were happening. i started saving these memories in my head the one on repeat lately is one of my mother singing. these stored moments make me cry, like most everything does these days. it's a pure, happy cry but it's verging uncontrollable and i'm starting to wonder if i should see someone or continue to cry during every episode of america's got talent and private practice. i'm very touched by special moments, otherwise i'm a nearly impenetrable emotionally. it's true, i have a sentimental and tender heart but i think i'd like to keep it that way for the most part. one of the things that makes me feel at ease has been gardening. my garden has been lush with lettuce and succulents, but the tomato plants have just begun to bud and the pepper plants are reaching two feet. the planter downstairs has been overrun with mint and hideous shrubs from the home depot clearance section. i 86'd those bushes and laid down black garbage bags to kill of the mint to no avail. i tore back the bags to find dry dry soil and deep green mint leaves. fuck it. i relocated the succulents, whose planters lined the stairway to my apartment, to the large singular planter in our shared space. i planted handfuls of wildflower seeds and am choosing to embrace the mint. although my methods are amateur, they sooth my soul and i've been able to absorb positivity. ironically i've been spending the past few years searching for a hobby, and finally i stumbled on it.



before